RBDSMT

PRACTICE: The R-BDSM-T chat

WHY:

Create a container of safety for exploration. Originated to aid and support a safe sexual union, and can be used in other relational situations, too, particularly B and D.

 HOW TO START:

Before any journey into the unknown, have an open and candid conversation using the following structure: 

R: Relationship — Are you in a Relationship? Single? What type are you in? Monogamous, Poly, Open, etc.

B: Boundaries — Where do you draw the line? What’s a No for you?

D: Desires — What would you like/do you want? What’s a Yes for you?

S: Sexual Health —

1. Consent - Sexual health requires sex to be consensual: do we have consent?

2. Non-Exploitative - Sexual health requires sex to be non-exploitative: is anyone exploiting the other?

3. Honest - Sexual health requires open and direct communication with oneself and every sexual partner: can we be honest?

4. Shared Values—Values identify one’s sexual standards and ethics: Do we like the same things?

5. Protected from STI, HIV, and Unwanted Pregnancy: are we protected?

6. Pleasure - Solo and with others: are we enjoying ourselves?

M: Meaning — What does this encounter mean/will it mean?

T: Trauma* – what past traumas are you aware of?

*[You can add on T: Traumas. Also, if you’re versed in them and feel they could crop up, share them.]

Be thoughtful and communicate about the questions rolled into the pleasure you are having.

Be curious. Always.